Do you see your child shy away from social situations, not take initiative or actively participate or hiding on the sidelines? Your child could be suffering from low self-esteem or low self-confidence or self-worth. As parents, we all wish our children would be confident and accomplished. Parents should be aware that while there is little you can do to fix this, there are a few steps we can take to help our children’s self-esteem grow.

9 ways to help your child develop positive self-esteem

#1. Give them responsibilities:

Give your child responsibilities, no matter how small and let them finish the task from start to end. Guide them when they stumble, listen to them whine, but do not do their work for them. Start this practice early - from the age of 2, let them help in chores around the house (picking their toys is not a household chore; laying the dinner table, putting the laundry in the laundry basket is). Calling the job “special” and asking for your children’s “help” instead of ordering them is a sure shot way of getting the work done. Do not forget to appreciate a job completed no matter how it is done and watch them glow and their self-esteem grow.

#2. Do not be your child’s voice:

Ever so often parents speak for their children - whether it is deciding what to eat, what to wear or resolving their playground issues and this transforms into a habit with children looking for their parents help even with minor concerns. Take a step back and let your children make their own small decisions and handle their own issues. Start small - make them place their own orders in restaurants, pay their bills at the supermarket, of course, all under your watchful eye. Encourage them, offer advice and only intervene when you know they can’t handle matters themselves. Also Read: 5 things Mommy Kajol makes her kids do

#3. Offer meaningful praise:

Girls are more than just pretty or cute and boys more than just handsome or strong. Let the praise be consistent with your child’s performance, geared towards the child’s effort. For instance, if it is a race your child participated in but did not win, say “you ran really well, but you can practice more next time to win”. If you notice your child work hard at a math problem, say “I saw you worked really hard”. Meaningless praise which is heaped on kids too often does more harm than good. Kids get used to unnecessary positive feedback and are not able to deal with negative feedback once they are older in a more realistic world.

#4. Empower them to make their own choices:

Children need to learn to step out of their parent’s shadows and make their own decisions however small. Let them begin small with age-appropriate choices like what would they like to wear to a party or what they would they would choose to eat from a buffet. As parents, you might not agree with their choices. Instead of rejecting their choice, try to explain to them why choosing something different might work better for them.

#5. It is OK for the child to struggle or fail:

Many parents struggle to cope with their child’s failure themselves sending the wrong message to the child. In the real world, a child will fail often and has to learn the ability to pick himself up and try again, instead of moping about the failure. Do not harp on your child’s failure as the child himself feels bad when he fails. Communicate your sympathy and also the need to try harder and move on.

#6. Resist the urge to say “I told you so”

Kids will fail and they will learn from failing. You probably sensed the outcome and predicted the worst but they went ahead anyway. Resist the urge to say “I told you so”. This will only make them feel worse and they might hesitate to come to you for advice again. Instead, speak to them about how they could have done things differently to get better results. Also Read: 5 Incredible benefits of storytelling for kids

#7. Let your children know no one is perfect:

Through various sources of media children see perfection everywhere - accomplished children, superheroes, perfect bodies, phenomenal success or perfectly happy families and they might begin to resent their own imperfections. As adults, we know that this perfection is not real and is mainly a by-product of photoshop. Show them the real world around which is not perfect. Let your children know that no one is perfect and they are wonderful as they are.

#8. Encourage them to participate in sports or physical activities:

Sports are a definitive way for children to learn that with practice they can improve their results and chances of winning. Find a sport or activity which they enjoy and encourage them to stick to it. Ever so often, children drop out too early, even before they have had a chance to learn the skill properly since they are impatient and easily bored. Encourage them to give the sport or activity sufficient time till they pick up the skill. This teaches them persistence and perseverance, two very important qualities for success. Not just that, team games will teach them to cooperate, delegate, stand up for themselves and to handle defeat.

#9. Improve your own self-confidence

Lastly, work on yourself. Children learn more from what they see rather more what they are told. Be the positive and self-assured role model for your children which you want them to be. You could start by joining a class to learn something new and sharing your learnings with your children, actively participating in the parents-children association in their school or even something as simple as taking the initiative to organise play dates and group outings for your children. Once they see you lead and speak up, they will be motivated to follow. Parenting is an ongoing job, with no breaks and one that is fraught with struggles. As much as we strive to raise perfect children, parents need to understand that the child is not their extension born to fulfill their own unaccomplished dreams. Every child is unique and your child might not have the academic excellence of another child but will have his own unique skills and abilities. It is up to us to recognise this uniqueness, nurture and encourage them in a way that they are able to navigate through life without needing our constant backing. Also Read: 9 ways to bring up your child if you are a single mom Want to share your mommy experience with other moms through words or images? Become a part of the Moms United community. Click here and we will get in touch with you

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